Is it Tuesday yet?
I’m in freaking purgatory just waiting to figure out next steps. This week has been so slow.
I don’t want it to be Tuesday.
Then it’s real. Things like surgery. Mastectomy. Chemo. Radiation. Reality. Don’t be Tuesday yet.
Is it Tuesday yet?
I don’t want it to be Tuesday.
Waiting Sucks.
Not a lot new - and probably won't be until my surgical consult on March 2nd.
My current surgical consult is with Dr. Jennifer Tittensor. (I still chuckle every time I say her name). Her office has been SO GOOD to work with so far. Surgical consult March 2nd, chest MRI scheduled for March 3rd.
Funny story - I called to make sure I was heading to the right location for my appointment next week. They have a couple of office across Utah Valley. They gave me their location in American Fork. I am VERY familiar with the American Fork hospital as that's where Red (the hubby) had his life saving surgery for Necrotizing Fasciitis. In fact, when I mentioned this to Red, he was positive it's the same address for Dr. Mark Jensen's practice. Dr. Jensen did all of Red's NF surgery and skin grafts. Dr. Jensen joked that he probably has as many pictures of Red as he does of his own kids. (Those pictures are so cool and SUPER graphic).
Well. Dr. Jensen is the primary reconstruction referral for Dr. Tittensor. Small world. At least I already have a rapport with Dr. Jensen and am definitely a fan of his work!
I Googled.
Here's the thing. I am a CliftonStrengths coach, so I work with the strengths identities. In my top strengths are Input and Learner. I NEED INFORMATION.
So I can't wait until my surgical consult next week.
I asked for my pathology report. They sent it to me.
So here's what I see, my lay person and total noob perspective on what it says.
Biopsy #1:
A. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, Grade 1
B. Intermediate Grade DCIS
C. Longest Core of invasive tumor measure 5 MM
D. Biomarker studies:
ki-67 ..........................................5-10%
Estrogen Receptor......................Positive
% of nuclei staining (ER) ..........30 Weak/Blush
Progesterone Receptor................Positive, quite variable
% of nuclei staining (PR) ..........50 Intermediate Strength
Her2Neu ....................................Negative
Biopsy #2:
Suspicious but not diagnostic for DCIS
So I see good news. :) Again, totally noob and I may be just blissful in my ignorance.
Grade I is low, so that's good. I know there are a lot of variables that go into grading and categorization so I know I can't just take it at face value. 5mm may mean that the category or grade is actually higher.
The hormonal receptors may indicate possible route of treatment for hormone therapy, especially since it's positive (even if just barely so).
So. Next step is still surgical consultation next week. I have been referred to Dr. Jennifer Tittensor (I love it!) While I was initially nervous about the consultation, and not having a connection to the Huntsman Cancer Institute (HCI). However, I now have several personal referrals for the same surgeon. So I'm feeling more and more comfortable with this referral. And I know I'll have to also probably be working with additional doctors in terms of oncology and potential reconstruction.
I'm putting together questions to ask my surgeon in my consult next week. Information is power, so I will continue to gather information - from the most reputable sources available.
I love Brene Brown.
I know it's weird to think about gratitude and cancer, but it's there. So many things I am grateful for.
* I have so many people who love me, support me, and are close to me. My community will be totally kick ass for this experience.
* I have a great job. It's stable, and I have great support. I never even had to consider that I wouldn't have the support I need at work. From both my supervising Deanery and from my immediate team. They totally rock.
* I'm so grateful I was safe rather than sorry. I have no idea how long I could have gone without finding this particular area of concern and eventually cancer.
* COVID-19. I know it's weird. But it set up the conditions where working from home is more readily an option.
* I am fortunate to have health care. Great doctors and physicians here in the area that are knowledgeable and trained in cancer. The shadow of the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Other people come HERE for cancer treatment. I already live here.
* Flagship cancer! Everyone knows breast cancer. It has a lot of funding, a lot of research, and a really good prognosis.
* It's amazing how quickly I have found a tribe. A group of women, survivors, current warriors, who share this experience and have been so kind to reach out and connect.
There are many, many, many other things I am grateful for and I know I'll continue to add to my list.
I went to my annual physical on January 5th. I'd been putting it off a little bit because I'd gained some weight and wanted to lose it before I went for my exam. I was excited because I'd been working with a health coach with the Optavia program and doing well. So I finally followed up.
As part of the annual we did a breast exam. My general practitioner (GP), Lisa, found a couple of lumps, but said she wasn't really concerned about them. But she gave me the option to get an ultrasound to get them checked for peace of mind. My younger cousin recently went through breast cancer, and I knew I had a least one aunt that had dealt with breast cancer, so I said I'd rather be safe than sorry.
A couple of days later I called Utah Valley Hospital to schedule the ultrasound. They didn't have an order for the ultrasound so I let it go. I wasn't worried. It wasn't a big deal.
A couple of days later I got a call from Timpanogos Hospital. THEY had the order. It went to voicemail. I'll figure it out later. They called again. And one more time. Fine. I'll get it scheduled.
Doctors appointments are obnoxious, annoying, and inconvenient.
So I went in on February 2nd for the ultrasound. They're a teaching hospital, so they had a student with them for the exam. I work in education, so I love to see students in action. But very quickly the main tech took over. Left breast. 11 o'clock were where my GP had found the bumps. So they spent some time there and were circling around. And down. It was interesting to listen to them talk out loud. "Lots of stuff going on!" in a forced cheerful voice. Should I be nervous? I'm not nervous.
Let's get you scheduled for a mammogram. You're almost 40. Let's just do it, and get a better picture.
Okay. Still annoying. Mammogram on Friday, February 5th. I'm not nervous. Should I be nervous?
Mammograms really aren't that bad. Sure, pressure. And someone else touching my boobs. But really? Not that bad. Amy, the tech, was super amazing and friendly. Very chatty. She's also the one who helped me schedule after the ultrasound. At this point, we're probably BFF's. :) She has touched my boobs after all.
Mammogram results? Let's schedule a biopsy. Two, actually. Again, better safe than sorry. More appointments. Now I'm nervous.
Any day except February 11th! I've been in my new job (Director of my department, yay!) for less than a month. I have stuff to do! That's a busy day.
February 11th it is. Fine. I have to start telling people I need to move things around. My team. My coworker. I tell my coworker D because I'm supposed to guest lecture for his class on the 11th. He's been through the cancer rigamarole, so I drop that I'm doing a biopsy. He'll understand. Of course he does.
Biopsy sucks. The one was fine. But there was a SECOND biopsy. That one is deep and the numbing solution doesn't go all the way. I can feel the whole damn thing. Markers, Mammogram, done. Now it's time to wait. These biopsies are at 4 o'clock. These are not the spots my GP found. They're different. But the ultrasound tech was thorough. And concerned. So we do the biopsies. Would I have found these spots without the others? Probably not.
February 18th. Results. Cancer.
Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.
Breast Cancer.
Here's what I know:
* It's not typical - most forms of Breast Cancer are Ductal. Mine is Lobular.
* Primary physician didn't even wait to see the official report before calling to let me know.
* Initial surgical consultation is scheduled for March 2nd.
Cancer.
