My thoughts

I am always thinking about cancer. I have it. It exists. It rarely leaves my field of perception. 

I have not changed in any noticeable way. I have no symptoms. It literally has not impacted my quality of my life, and, until surgery, nothing will really change. Except I think it about it. All. The. Time.

It is always there.

Now, this sounds like a bad thing, but it's not really. Just like the cancer, it just is. 

For the last 10 years I've participated in meditation and mindfulness at various degrees. It has been a fantastic coping mechanism for my social anxiety and depression. It keeps me fairly high functioning (though maybe ask my husband. He may have a different view. LOL)

One of my first phone calls after my diagnosis was to a friend of mine I truly respect, who navigated her cancer diagnosis about 12 years ago (maybe more? Honestly I have no idea the timeline). She and I share a lot of similar beliefs and perspectives on life and have worked together a lot over the last few years. She reminded me of the philosophy and perception that I often practice in mindfulness. This experience IS. 

It just IS.